Hello Reddit! Forgive me as I am new to the online community. Just wanted to tell my story and maybe get some input. I [37F] accidentally found out last month my husband [38M] was using 'work trips' as an excuse to sleep with his also married coworker who lives across the country. When I say accidentally; he sent me a screen shot of Amazon purchases for our children and included at the bottom of the photo was a delivery to this woman. So yes, the worried wife in me checked his search history and email. It was all right there! I learned his November trip was a romantic getaway but this current one is luxurious! A spa resort complete with couples massages, couples cooking classes and monogramed bathrobes from etsy. He mailed her a box of gifts a few days ago for Christmas (how sweet), he purchases sexy lingerie, sent her money on venmo and even started planning a January trip to Las Vegas. I was furious when I learn all this but I kept my composure.
My plan: He left this morning for his 'work trip' but before he left I gathered all evidence of his affair. I spent 4 weeks collecting emails, credit card statements, reservations and confirmations. I wrote him a 10 page letter, put it in an envelope and taped it inside the lining of his suitcase. I plan on sending a group text to him and his mistress right after check in telling them to enjoy their trip. I will also inform them that a letter is in his suitcase and that I want a divorce. I wrote a special section just for her and I want to make sure she sees it so I will be emailing her the letter as well.
He is currently in the air. My group text goes out this evening. Stay tuned...
UPDATE!
His flight landed 1 1/2 hours ago. He told me he would text me when he landed and he has yet to do so. I have text him twice, they were delivered but not read. I checked our phone records and he text both me and her during his lay over. His email shows no Uber receipt from his final destination airport to his hotel. She must have picked him up. Something I probably should have clarified in my OP. She lives in the state he is visiting. So he flew alone.
I will be sending a group text to both him and his mistress in 2 hours as that will be 4pm their time and check in.
UPDATE #2
Sent pictures of our children and he did not respond. FYI he is in the middle of the desert.
My texts are going through green which puts a monkey wrench in my plan for a group text to him and his mistress. Need suggestions. Should I call the hotel? Connect right to their room. I worked so hard for this, it has to be tonight. HELP!
​
UPDATE #3
Thank you to everyone standing by and waiting. My best friend has come to my house to help me through this. It seems my texts are going through green (undelivered) but when my friend tried it is blue and delivered.
HE HAS BLOCKED ME! I guess that helps his guilt.
The plan now is to call the hotel. Will wait a few minutes after check in to make the call. Very soon. Please stand by.
​
UPDATE #4
Like most of you predicted he does not care, He had zero answers for my questions. That was. the mot hurtful part. But guess what, I have all the emotional support and economic support so i'm not mad. Every question I asked he had no response because his mistress was sitting there. I suspect when he is home alone with me, his answers will be different. I have made sure that he will not emotionally and financially fuck me because I have secured support from family and friends. He can go FUCK himself!!!!!!
UPDATE #5
Called his hotel room. Talked to his mistress and finally lost my shit. He ended up calling me a few minutes later and had zero empathy. I'm shocked, but I'm not. He said a divorce was in order and fought me on nothing. I expected him to be sad, he was not, but thats ok. I started packing up his shit, I have some great friend who helped me put everything in the garage. Good riddance? I guess so...
The Morning After
I wake this morning broken. My house is in shambles as I went on a rampage yesterday ripping photos off the wall, throwing his stuff in piles on the floor and breaking random objects in anger. Now that I've had a nights sleep I feel that I am a bit clearer in my thinking as I analyze the 'conversation' we had yesterday. He was different on the phone. That was not the man I know, but who was the man I've known? Because everything was a lie. The only thing he cared about on the phone was getting the kids. Which is perfectly ok, he should want to see his kids. But he refused to answer any question I had or admit to anything. I personally feel his lack of remorse was because he was sitting in front of his mistress. If I confronted him at home this would not have been his reaction. When he comes home Monday night I expect to see a different man. Also, in my conversation with the mistress I learned she is recently separated.
I called my mom. That was hard. While she and my dad have always been loving and supporting it was hard to make that phone call. I felt like a failure. I know it wasn't my doing but to admit that I made a poor choice in a spouse was difficult. Was this all because of a mistake I made 13 years ago? Honestly it doesn't matter. I have 2 days to empty my house of his things.
Who do I tell? Do I call his dad? Do I tell his mother? Best friend? Work buddies? I wish there was a manual on how to do this because I'm lost. Even with all my preparation I'm still humiliated.
Luckily he did not take his house keys when he left. So no need to change the locks, I'll be removing his keys and sending him on his way. I don't plan on seeing him when he gets home Monday night. Doors are locked, everything you own is in the garage, have your people talk to my people and I'll see you never.
Preparing for the Return
My friends and family have been wonderful. I am so fortunate to have such great people in my life. Yesterday they came to help me move all of his clothing to the garage. His collectibles were all packed up and sitting here, waiting to be appraised. It took a very long time and I was exhausted afterwards; but it was necessary. I honestly don't think he expects me to have gone to such great lengths to remove him from my life. Because I was so emotional when I confronted him there is a chance that he thinks I will want to reconcile. Fat chance, buddy. His flights lands a little before 10pm tonight. When he Ubers back home the doors will be locked. He told me on the phone he was just getting his car and leaving. I will be holding him to that. Something I should have mentioned earlier, the house is in my name only. He had no credit when we first started looking so everything is in my maiden name and purchased by me. Health insurance, car insurance, cell phones, utilities are all in my name. The only thing his name is on is his car. I think he realizes now that could all come back to bite him. I don't want a messy divorce, I'm willing to listen to his demands and try and meet in the middle on as many things as possible. He obviously doesn't care anymore so I'm going to do my best to not care and treat this like a business deal.
Update late tonight on his return. Thank you to everyone following and showing support. You are appreciated.
The Dust has Settled
It's been a few days since his return. For a man who so diligently planned a secret retreat with his mistress he took no time to plan for his return 'home.' He has been living in the basement since Monday. I allowed him to watch the children open gifts on Christmas but he has since returned to the basement. We have contacted 3 mediators and have appointments next week to start the mediation process. It's obviously over. We had a conversation/argument upon his return and he actually asked about reconciliation. I laughed. I laughed uncontrollably. Of course he pushed blame stating that our marriage has been over for a long time. Well, that's news to me. His actions of an affair were selfish and avoidant. He didn't want to have that hard conversation with me about counseling or divorcing and this route was easier and a lot more fun. Let's face it, he likes the attention of 2 women loving and pining over him. Well, I'm not longer playing that game. She wins, and oh what a prize he is! I have been amicable about talking about the terms of our separation. My biggest hang up is her. He may continue seeing her and I have questions about her character. What kind of woman/mother cheats with a man she knows is married and knows has children? When I confronted her on the phone last Saturday and asked her that question she was silent. I asked if she was 'sorry' and it was as if the line went dead. That kind of person I do not want around my children. People who show no remorse, especially when they are in the wrong, are not kind people.
I have found solace in friends and family and thank you to everyone's recommendation of ChumpLady. I'm half way through the book, read through the website and find it so helpful. Thank you again to everyone. I can't believe the outpouring of support. To the trolls, sorry you think I'm an unfit and inattentive wife, but cheaters cheat because they want to. Thank you again to all, not sure if you want a mediation update or if my story is over. Either way, I'm happy to have 'met' you all.
Where is the 'fault'?
If you listen to the books and advice always given about cheaters it all says the same thing: It's not you, they made a choice. MY STBX insists things were bad. While I don't think we were Pam and Jim or Lucy and Ricky, I think things were good. This process has made me review who I am, who I've been and who I want to be. Could I have made changes? Yes. Was I perfect? Absolutely not. But my decisions and actions were never detrimental to our marriage. They were more like sacrifices. And now I'm having those sacrifices thrown at me and I'm being called neglectful. Is all this about attention? A narcissistic need to be the apple of someone's eye? Him and the AP are now blissfully in the honeymoon stage. Vacations, late night phone calls like teenagers, present buying, etc. But what happens when the other shoe drops? What happens when she sees that he has very little patience with children? That he will walk past a a sink full of dishes completely blind to them? When he doesn't pay the phone bill for 2 months because he is spending money on silly gadgets? What then? While it's not my problem, I'm sure his AP will take issue with these things. Perhaps then she will be put in the situation I've been in for a decade. Should she be the glue and hold it all together or should she neglect responsibilities for his neediness? I've been told by him ( someone who is having a relationship and spending large sums of money on someone else) that I'm at fault. Perhaps, but what about the decades of cleaning up your messes? Maybe if I would have had 2 hour conversations with him every night things would be different, but to be honest, I'm happy I'm here. Now reflecting back I see how under appreciated I was. How neglected I was. All these year I thought I was helping but I was really being taken advantage of and this affair is no different.
Just a word of advice to all the mess cleaners, excuse makers, and spouse sheltering people reading this. Stop. Stop now. I've learned that all the 'helping' is simply them learning how to manipulate you. Draw that line in the sand. Prepare for an uncomfortable situation when they start to stumble under the pressures of real life. But don't lose yourself. I lost myself years ago and it's not a place you want to be.
Mediation & The Move.
We had our first mediation appointment via Zoom yesterday. It was very amicable, but only because I don't want to fight and I just want this to be over. He apparently wants nothing. Not the house, not the furniture, not what he's entitled to of my pension; he just wants to be done as well. As I've been packing up things in the house to declutter I've been offering him things, but he wants nothing. I suspect the moment our marriage is dissolved he will be packing up his collectables and clothing and driving across the country to live with her. I guess I should be ok with this as I don't want to be married to him anymore. It just kills me that he will be moving in with her and helping her raise her 2 children while mine are fatherless. It makes me so angry. Seething. The man who was abandoned by his father is now doing the same thing. Something he said would never ever happened because of the mental issues it has given him today. Well, it looks like that, as well as mostly everything else, was a lie. Again, I take solace in the fact that their honeymoon phase will be short lived. Reality will smack them both in the face and she will realize that he can be more hurt than help.
While I wish him well and hope the best, our kids deserve more than a Christmas/Easteone week in the summer father. No dad at basketball games, cub scouts, birthday parties and school plays. Meanwhile AP will have him and her children's biological father. I guess nothing in life is fair and my boys will have to learn that lesson early than I had hoped.
He's Gone.
My STBX left yesterday morning to visit her. I told him to go. I didn't want to spend NYE with him and our COVID circle friends who we celebrate with have zero interest in seeing him either. He booked a flight 30 minutes after I told him to go. My only stipulation was that he is back for this weekend as it's my birthday and I really need a day to myself. I've watched the kids for 3 weekends now while he went to see his mistress, I thought I at least deserved my birthday to relax. He text me while he was boarding that he won't be home for my birthday. Well then... He claims when he booked this he booked a return for the evening of my birthday. When he tried to change it he was put on standby, it would cost $1000 to change, it was a red eye etc. The excuses kept coming. He apparently does not realize I have access to the internet as well and flights are less than $300 with the airline he flew. I told him this and he said those flights weren't there when he booked (lies) and he will take care of it. I just want him to be honest. If you don't want to be here for my birthday, just say it. If you don't want to spend the day with your children, just tell me. I can't force you to be a parent. I told him the flights were available and affordable, it's his choice to rebook. Ball is in your court. That's all I can do, right? Stay tuned for an update on his return this weekend..
NYE Nightmare.
It was 12:40am on NYE and there was still no call from him. I was angry for no other reason than I explained to the kids that even though daddy wasn't with us he would call at midnight to talk to them and wish them a Happy New Year. I was made to be a liar. So, I text my STBX and his excuse was, 'they are with their friends, I didn't want to bother them'. Excuse me? Bother them? You mean you didn't want your kids to bother you is what you are really saying. If I was across the country on NYE without my kids I would have called and done the countdown with them via facetime. I think most parents would. But not him. He said, "If you would have told me that you told the kids I'd call then I would have." He tried to spin this on me, that I created this mess. Why do I have to tell you that you need to call your children at midnight? This small act said a lot to me. Our children are not a priority. I guess he didn't want to ruin his perfect vacation at his new girlfriend's house with her children. He has a nice new family now. Today is my birthday and he returns this evening. I told him in my NYE text that I will speak to him on the 12th, our next mediation meeting because I'm done. I tried to be civil for the kids but he is not putting forth the effort for them.
Liar Liar, Pants on Fire.
The past few days have been strange. We rarely talk (a decision on both our parts) and when we do it's about mediation, plans moving forward, or the kids. We have been civil and communicating well about those items. We are also friendly in front of the children as not to upset them. The situation is strange because we are getting along, there is no arguing, it's a shared focus to just get through mediation and divorce. That's fine by me. Last night while I was cleaning the kitchen I heard him on the phone in the basement. I guess he didn't realize the door was left open by one of the children. Not wanting to be a part of the drama anymore I went to close the door. At that point I heard him tell her how 'crazy' I have been acting. Excuse me? We don't speak and when we do it's very civil. How is that crazy? Well, he proceeded to tell her about a conversation we had and he lied about everything. While the conversation part was true he told her I exploded, I was in a rage, I was crying etc. None of that was true. He explained how he laughed in my face at my rage, also not true because there was no rage. I had told him awhile back before the NYE debacle that I would start dating eventually and he proceeded to tell her that I was bragging about guys I'm meeting. So far from the truth. I slammed the basement door. I'm sure he knows I heard. So I ask, 'Why the need to lie and make me a villain?' We aren't staying together, I have no reason to fight with you anymore, that's why we are paying a mediator. Why start lying to your new girlfriend that you love? How is that a good way to start a relationship? I don't know what is happening here...
This is my concern: This woman and him are in love and want to start a life together. Ok, thats fine, God bless and congrats. But, this woman only knows me by the stories (which I'm assuming are all lies) he has told her about me. If he does move across the country to be with her, how can I trust a woman who hates me because of misinformation to treat my children properly? I don't care if she hates me personally, I'll still sleep fine at night, but now I'm worried about sending my kids in the summer to stay with them. I want to confront him about this but I know I can't. Maybe it's not that I can't, but I don't know how. Also, he has told no one we are separated and definitely has not told people why. How come? You initiated this, you cheated, you are happy now, so why can't you tell people? He told his father that he was bringing the kids alone to visit him because he and I 'weren't seeing eye to eye at the moment.' What?! I would assume he's afraid to face the music or is just finding comfort in the little love bubble he has created. He chooses to not face reality. He has yet to look for an apartment for when the divorce is finalized but has booked another fight out to see her for Valentine's Day. He is refusing to face reality and it's so frustrating.
We have mediation on 1/12 to discuss custody and hope that we can settle everything and get the paperwork moving. I'm having a scheduled phone conversation with a lawyer today to discuss what I should ask for in terms of physical and legal custody when he moves. Update you all (if you want it of course) on mediation after the 12th.
Mediation and Empty Promises
Yesterday was our second mediation appointment. While it was amicable, there was some obvious tension. The tension was not on my end but more on his. Let me explain... During our first mediation we brought up the topic that he might move out of state. At yesterdays meeting I asked what we would do about custody if he moves to this particular state. When I mentioned the state by name the mediator was confused. This prompted her to ask him why this state that is so far away. His answer? "Well......." Then silence. He couldn't put into words the fact that he was leaving to be with his girlfriend. I had to finally chime in realizing we are paying by the hour that he was moving to be with his girlfriend. I realized later that was the first time he had semi-confessed to having an affair and a girlfriend to anyone. If you love this person so much why can't you just say it out loud? That whole situation confuses me.
Anyway, when it comes to dollars and cents I will be fine. He will also be fine. He will have enough to do what he needs and so will I. We have agreed to a physical custody scenario that allows him weekend and dinner visits. Fine by me, I want my boys to have their father. But, the situation becomes a bit more difficult when he moves. While he said yesterday he plans to stay here at least a year, I doubt that will actually happen. When he does move across the country he wishes to return for one weekend of every month to see the boys. Again, I'm fine with this scenario but where will he stay that weekend? He has no family. Will he just be taking the boys to a hotel? Again, I don't think he actually thought this through. This is a problem I/we will tackle when he does decide to move.
Lastly, the mediator said it could take about 2 months to finalize everything. He and I spoke after the session to go over some facts and figures and I brought up the tentative finalization date of our marriage. I told him how 2 months is a good amount of time to save some money and find an apartment to which he agreed. I also reminded him about his promise to not return to visit her until our divorce is finalized or he has a place to live. He quickly became frustrated telling me that he knew and tried to shut down the conversation. I told him I'm happy that we are on the same page but I'm not budging. If you leave while you still live here you can not come back, that is something we both agreed to.
Now the big question remains; Who does he break a promise with? Obviously it's a win win for me, stay home and help me with the kids while you save $500+ and move out quickly or leave to visit her and I get you out of the house sooner. I'm happy with either decision. I just want to move on with my life and enjoy my moments with my children.
Out For A Swim
When I took this dive into the Reddit community I had no idea where I would land. I thought my feet would hit shallow ground and I would be ankle deep on the banks in an uncomfortable swimsuit all alone. But to my surprise this deep ocean of Reddit readers have engulfed me into their warm waters and I am surrounded by a sea of support. For this I am thankful. I am also so touched by the droves of people who have reached out for advice or offered their own experiences as lessons to be learned. To the ones seeking advice I tell them, I am not an expert swimmer. I am merely doggy paddling through this sea of hurt and confusion. Please don't use me as a sign of strength. Because the truth is, I am not strong, I am you. I am the woman who reads because they are suspicious of late night phones call her husband takes. I am the spouse who has shouldered the entire family and is in desperate need of support. I am the woman who misses affection from her husband who is next to her in bed every night. I. Am. You. To those people who have yet to catch their partner cheating but are suspicious, trust your gut. Cheating is a coward's choice so be braver than them and face the truth. To the spouse who is 'the fixer' and takes on every challenge, take a step back. When you help (even with good intention) you are actually just hurting yourself. To the spouse who has tried everything to receive physical attention from their partner but to no avail, their affection is probably going somewhere else. These are lesson I wish I could have told myself months, if not years ago. Listen to me. Or just listen to you.
To the sharks in water who call me a 'bad mom', 'a crazy bitch', 'fake' or even just think I'm out of my mind, you will find no blood in this water. So it's best you move on and find a thread where the OP will chum the water for you. It's so very easy to read and judge, this I understand. I just hope that if this ever happens to you that you will be as brave, logical and composed as you expect others to be. If not, you will find sharks circling you as well. So I hope you are as strong of a swimmer as you claim to be.
If you are still reading, my saga/survival continues. Our final mediation papers will arrive this week. We were able to settle everything at the last meeting on 1/12 and the documents just need our signature. After that, the divorce papers need to be served and filed with the county. Then we await our court date which will be done via Zoom. Yes, a bit anticlimactic, but it will still serve its purpose of divorcing. He has started (finally) to look for an apartment but nothing is to his satisfaction. Maybe he is being picky or maybe he is comfortable living in the basement. Either way, once the divorce papers are stamped he needs to be gone. He has started making phone calls to her during the day and I can hear him giggling downstairs. I'm happy he is happy, I really am. That isn't passive aggressive. I know I will be happy one day too, he just got there first and that's ok. I feel like my life is in limbo right now. I can't move forward because I'm chained to the past. I'm hoping his move will be soon. I suspect he wants out for February 1st so he can go visit her for Valentines Day. I hope for his sake (and mine) that he makes his deadline. I will update again after I receive the mediation paperwork and divorce papers are served. I'm sure that will stir up a lot of thought and emotion so I'm certain it will be a doozy. Till then, I'll keep doggy paddling.
​

Disclaimer I want to thank everyone for the gilds, replies and suggestions. I just do not have time to reply to everyone, but I am reading everything. I am not sure how much bigger the thread can be, I already typed this but it vanished so I think I'm at the limit. I will try to keep updating, but I don't expect the thread to be up top for much longer and will likely vanish soon, so if you need anything save it.
Yes, it's hard, it sucks, it's depressing. It is something we all have to do if you want to see this virus go. Everyone knows the deal, too many think they're the exception but no one is. However, staying home is hard so maybe I can help at least one or two people with some incentives. I'll try to give links to some things that can help cure the boredom, and some support if you need it.
Most of this might be obvious to some, some might not even have internet and of course, money is a big issue, so I'll try to give some suggestions:
For streaming and on demand things such as Netflix et al, don't forget you can subscribe for free for your first month. This goes for most things in the list. If you are worried about putting in your payment details and forgetting to cancel a month later, don't worry! You can sign up and immediately cancel and you still get your free month!
For people who don't have a smart TV, you can buy a cheap Amazon Fire TV stick or a Roku box. The Fire stick can go as low as £20 often for 1080p. It will drop to £30 for 4k.
I picked up a 4k Roku device for £18 on Amazon once. It's fast and snappy. currently it's going for £33 for the 4k version. Having both, there is little difference between the devices. NowTV also do their own roku powered device.
Subscription based streaming sites that all offer 2-4 weeks free for first timers

• Netflix *According to comments the second month is free.
  
• Amazon Prime You can either get Amazon video on its own, or take prime with other benefits. I strongly urge those who use Amazon for buying off their store front to use [https://smile.amazon.co.uk/] as there is literally no difference except everything you buy amazon donates to a charity of your choice.
  
• Now TV (I believe it's 7 days)
  
• Disney+
  
• Britbox
  
• Amazon channels. I believe you can get all these individually but Amazon offers them as channels bound to your prime account, and they are again either free for a couple weeks (again, take them, cancel instantly) or very cheap. I recently subscribed to Starzplay for £1 for 3 months. It has some good shows on it like Fringe, doom patrol. It also has channels like Curiosity stream and shudder
  

If you have not subscribed to the any of the above, you can get a few months of free TV by signing up and cancelling instantly. I suggest waiting at least 5 minutes just to let it go through the system.
Some tips for Now TV. IF you already have a subscription, I've noticed you can get it cheaper by cancelling. When you cancel they will beg you to stay. Select "I can not afford it this month" and they should beg again, telling you what shows they have. If you say you still want to cancel, they'll beg one last time and offer you the subscription for cheaper. This won't work every month, but I've noticed they'll always offer it the first time, then again after a couple months. If you're subscribed to both films and entertainment do the most expensive one as it may not work both times (but it might!). You can also pick up passes from storefronts a lot cheaper sometimes, before I could pick one up on Amazon for £3 but, they seem to have cracked down on it. If you shop around (or if anyone knows of a legitimate store please let me know) you might be able to pick it up cheaper. Lastly, check their website and under your account they should have an "offers for you" section.
Completely free TV

• Pluto TV
  
• Viki
  
• Roku
  

If you do have a smart TV and/or device, there are some good free streaming apps. One I really love is called PlutoTV. I know this is on both Roku and the fire stick, as well as Ps4/Ps5 and xbox.
Pluto offers a bunch of live channels and now an on demand section, all for free. It has adverts but they are actually short (shorter than regular TV and fewer of them). Some of the channels are just streaming certain shows like Mythbusters 24/7 or Dog the bounty hunter, but it has a lot of old movie channels as well as 24/7 kickboxing and MMA. It also has a 24/7 poker channel I quite like.
Another one I like is Rakuten Viki however, I haven't watched it for a while as my fire stick is only 1080p and I have too many other devices attached. I believe it is on Roku but you have to jump through some hoops and have an account. The last I checked on the fire stick you did not. Viki offers a metric ton of Asian shows, mainly from Japan and South Korea but it does have chinese, Malaysian etc. It has subtitles. Some Japanese shows are hysterical, albeit weird.
Roku also do their own channels with free shows if you own a device.
For those who don't have a smart TV or a Streaming device, you can set up your own computer as a dedicated streaming device with Plex. It's been a while since I used it but I believe it now also offers free movies and TV.
Anime
If you are into Anime there is

• Crunchyroll
  
• Funimation
  
• HiDive
  

The first 2 are free to watch, or offer premium without ads which you can have a trial with. Crunchyroll is the better of the two with more original choice for Japanese voice and subs, while Funimation has more Dubs. I don't believe HiDive is free to watch but you do get a 2 week trial. These are more exclusives than the previous two.
PC Centric software
If you are a gamer or like Audiobooks or anything that uses computers for things like music making, programming or graphic design

• Humble Bundle
  
• Fanatical
  
• IndieGala
  

Humble Bundle offers, as per the name, bundles. A long running site that got bought out by IGN. It offers both single items and bundles you can buy individually/as a pack while also offering a separate monthly subscription for around £8-9. The subscription gives you 12 games on average per month. That's the simplest explanation but it changes somewhat as sometimes you get to pick 10 out of 14 games, or get all 12.
Humble bundle offers more than just games though. Every Tuesday they bring a new bundle of games, while Thursday (I "think) a new bundle of books. They very often have books from the Black Library giving you a ton of Warhammer books. Sometimes it's standard E-books, other times it's audiobooks. A few times a year they do bundles for graphic design, a typical bundle would include programs like Paintshop Pro Corel Painter etc, They usually go for £0.76 for tier 1 up to around £18 for tier 3, which would include 4-6 full titles with 10+ addons. They also often have Music making bundles or video editing software as well as Programming or video game development.
The bundles change often, they usually have around 11 bundles at a time that last for 20 days. Sometimes it's trash but they do often have some very good deals.
Fanatical offers the same as humble bundle except usually not as high quality, but sometimes they do have some incredible deals, and they are very very cheap.
Both humble and fanatical are safe, trusted and been around a long time, and they are NOT grey market key sites. They work with the publishers and developers. You can buy games both old and new for a lot cheaper than you would most other places. Unless it states otherwise, keys are usually for steam.
**BOTH HB and Fanatical (HB much more common) offer free games fairly often. The catch is linking your steam account to them (at least HB). It is safe however.
IndieGala is another site like above. Except, these are much much lower quality. However, they offer a metric ton of free games. Quality is low but it is legitimate, and a lot of free stuff.
Game Store Fronts

• Steam This one is so obvious I didn't add it, but apparently many want me to. It is the best out there, and you can find almost everything, with fantastic deals.
  
• Greenmangaming offers games cheaply. Again, not a grey market site (which are legal but unethical) and they sometimes do bundles.
  
• GoG (Good old games) is a DRM free site run by CDPR, the makers of the Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk. They offer you games quite cheap and not needing DRM (such as Steam, Uplay etc which is less invasive versions of dodgy DRM from the olden days).
  
• Epic Games Despite the controversy whether you care about their rivalry with valve, they offer free games ever week. Without ever having bought anything I have gained over 170 games. literally. Good games for the most part. They often give you £10 coupons as well.
  
• Twitch Everyone knows twitch, but if you don't, it's a streaming service for watching gamers and girls with low cut tops accidentally bending over in front of the game. However, if you're signed up to prime, you get free games each month (and randomly between the set bunch).
  
• Playstation Store Currently has January sales. Currently the free games for PS+ are for PS4: Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Greedfall. For the Ps5 it is Maneater
  
• Games with Gold Bleed 2 and the King of Fighters XIII is available until Janurary 15th whilst little Nightmares is available until January 31st.
  

Gaming Subscriptions
Like the TV versions, you can sign up to these for a free trial (or very cheap). If you do sign up to only one at a time, it should keep you busy for a few months

• Xbox Game Pass You can do this on both/either an Xbox or PC. If you sign up to the regular one, you can get a month (maybe three!) for £1. After you have done that, you can sign up to the premium version for 3 months at £1 a month. Most people know game pass, but you can download a large selection of games for free. The premium version gives you games with gold, allowing you to keep the games forever (but can only play with a subscription)
  
• Ubisoft+ I'm not 100% sure if you get a trial or not. This allows a large collection of Ubisoft titles to play for £12.99 a month. Quite expensive but good if you like Ubisoft titles I guess.
  
• EA Play EA's version. Goes by a ton of names I think, EA Access, EA Play, Origin Access etc etc. There's a couple of versions of this, and it is across all platforms (PS4/5, Xbox, PC) but not sure about the switch. I "think" the premium allows you to play on all platforms, while the cheaper one on a single platform, but I may be mistaken.
  
• PS Now a once terrible service that is now actually very good. Allows you to download some Ps4 games to your PS4/5 and lets you stream a massive amount of Ps2/3/4 to your PC or playstation.
  

There's more like nvidia's service but you need the Shield device which is quite expensive. I'll leave it at that.
Audiobooks & Ebooks

• Audible Not sure what the current deal is but if you are a prime member you can sign up for a trial and get a free Audiobook each month for 3 months. Some warhammer books are 48 hours long, 3 of those gives you a good 100+ hours of listening!
  
• Comixology Another Amazon company, but lets you download some free comics I believe.
  
• Marvel Unlimited No experience with this. ItFuckingWont wanted me to add it. A subscription service for Marvel.
  

Education

• Sign Language BSL here No experience myself, suggested by n21brown and asked for a few times. Didn't know SL was so popular! Listed as "Pay what you can"
  
• BBC's Bitesize here is apparently good for home learning. Again, no personal experience.
  

If you need some spare change
Okay, I don't generally bother with it, but maybe some of this could be useful to you. These are NOT a quick way to make a fortune. These are small things you can do over time for a bit of pocket change

• If you have prime you can get a FREE FIVE POUND GIFT CARD by literally just streaming a song from Amazon music (which is included in prime) here is the details According to the comments it's only for select people, but it's worth trying If the link doesn't work for you just google "Amazon £5 coupon music"
  
• Now, these sorts of sites have been around for years, I haven't used any other than talkInsights which I must have signed up to 10-15 years ago. Basically they send you surveys and you answer them. They are confidential and don't ask for personal details in the survey. You need 2000 points and you get £20. During the pandemic they've slowed down but I probably get around £40 a year. Not much I know, but it's an email followed by a quick survey ticking boxes. Depending on your answer sometimes you get screened out, I'm not telling you to lie but just be consistent with your answers and you should be able to work out how to not get screened. Some emails are only worth 20 points, others 200. It's slow to get to the 2000 but very quick to just answer a few questions.
  
• Apparently beermoneyuk is a good sub to make some pocket change with.
  
• There is also matched betting. I have never done this, I don't have the patience but from what I've read, it's legitimate, it works and you can make a fair amount of cash from it so long as you do it correctly, and there's a ton of guides. I mention this because people stuck at home could get into it and as long as you're careful (I.E not entering in the wrong numbers) it's risk free AND it pisses off the betting shops. It seems people in comments have had success with it. Disclaimer A couple have complained about gambling. This arguably is not gambling. If you are susceptible to addiction do not do it. However, it's argued that there is no fun or buzz in this, and it's a very tedious and time consuming thing. Others argue you can't make the same money anymore (People were making thousands, now only hundreds if that). It's risk free providing you know what you're doing, the risks are user error, such as entering the wrong numbers. Someone pointed out that due to the lockdown, bets could potentially be cancelled due to sport stopping. So use on a side of caution. We're (mainly) adults so I'll leave it up just because this doesn't have the excitement of regular gambling.
  
• Microsoft Rewards This is an easy way to make pocket change doing very little. Most people have a MS account. The rewards program offers you numerous ways to grab points, by playing free to play games, answering small questions (you don't even need to answer most of the time, just open the link and shut it) and by using bing and searching on it. I've gotten 20k points JUST by answering questions over a couple months. There are many rewards but you can grab a £5 gift card for 6k for example, or a month of game pass (and AFAIK you can make points playing the games)
  
• Google rewards Someone mentioned this in the comments. I have not used it, so can not give any input on it. Sounds similar to TalkInsights which I linked. Google states "Complete short surveys while standing in line, or waiting for a subway. Get rewarded with Google Play or PayPal credit for each one you complete. Topics include everything from opinion polls, to hotel reviews, to merchant satisfaction surveys. We’ll notify you when a survey is waiting."
  

That's it for now. I will try to update as I go along. A long post but I hope that it can help some of you with finding something good to do that's free, cheap or a bargain. I do suggest getting prime, especially since you get free music, free delivery, free TV and music and free video games each month. In fact, there's a ton of perks and I feel I've gotten way over the cost investment.
Hope it helps someone at least
PartTimeCrazy said if you bought an Apple product you get 3 free months of Apple Arcade and Apple TV free for a year
fakehunted is upset I didn't mention wanking. Tesco have 225 sheets of Tissue for £0.75!
tale_lost suggested Project Gutenberg for a collection of free E-Books
Learning Language
Unfortunately, I don't have time to check every link listed so I will link the comments:
Togtogtog Gives a lot of links for Spanish

• Duolingo Numerous people have suggested this So I haven't used myself. Thanks to OhHiGCHQ StephanieMecredy & Allorie_95

Board & Tabletop games
Corporal_Anaesthetic has made a list of Board games
ilyemco suggested these
HEALTH
I'm not a doctor! But if you're a smoker, something I strongly suggest is to quit. I struggled for years but in the first lockdown I quit, technically. I haven't had a cigarette since, however, I do that silly thing millennials do. I vape, but, it made quitting extremely easy. I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for 88Vape They sell extremely cheap liquids at £1 each. You can find these in B&M but you can pick up 25 for £20 or buy your own mix.
Vitamin D deficiency has been said to be a big problem for the virus. I'd suggest (again, not a doctor!) that you pick some up. Tesco do a 3 for 2 deal. So you can pick up 270 tablets for £7.
If you are vulnerable you MIGHT be able to phone tesco and get put on their delivery saver list (currently it's paused but phoning may help. At the very least they might give you a priority slot. I did this for my mum, we didn't shop at Tesco but I phoned for her, and they put her on with no hassle, so she can always get a delivery.
HELP & ADVICE
The lockdown Rules.
Reasons to leave home include:

• Work or volunteering where it is "unreasonable" to work from home. This includes work in someone else's home, such as that carried out by social workers, nannies, cleaners and tradespeople
  
• Education, training, childcare and medical appointments and emergencies
  
• Exercise outdoors (limited to once a day). This includes meeting one other person from another household in an open public space to exercise
  
• Shopping for essentials such as food and medicine
  
• Communal religious worship
  
• Meeting your support or childcare bubble. Children can also move between separated parents Activities related to moving house
  

I want to add, if you are in danger you are also allowed (and must!) to get away from the situation for some reason, BBC seems to have missed this very important thing (or I am blind)

• To flee the threat of harm or violence.*
  
• CoronaVirus Symptoms
  
• CoronaVirus government site You can check your location and how many cases here.
  
• Worldometers Shows cases around the world.
  
• Interactive UK Map Another easy to read map with cases in counties and local area's.
  
• World Health Organisation
  

Support

• Samaritans
  
• Mental Health UK forum on reddit
  
• Link to above's stick post for support outlets
  
• Mindful
  
• Mind.org
  

FOR THOSE SHIELDING YOU CAN CONTACT THE ROYAL VOLUNTARY SERVICE. These people helped my mother with picking up her medicine from the chemist. They were very helpful and went out their way to keep in touch and do it immediately. (It's the only experience I have with them though)
_riotingpacifist wanted these links added, but I simply just don't have the time to vet and check all the suggestions here, so I will link as is:

• https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/
  
• https://www.goodsamapp.org/
  
• https://vaccinationvolunteers.sja.org.uk/roles/volunteer-vaccinator.html
  
• https://nhsvolunteerresponders.org.uk/getting-you-started-guide-steward-volunteer
  
• https://peoplesmomentum.com/evictionresistance/
  
• https://londonrentersunion.org/
  

Update:
Digital Art
These are Free

• Krita Arguably the best in my opinion. It has a load of options, brushes and a decent UI. It works fantastic with a tablet.
  
• Gimp This is a decent program but last I used, the UI was a pain, and it isn't so user friendly while misses features, but it works, and it is possible to do some incredible creations on it.
  
• Medibang Paint This is slightly geared towards Comics and Manga. I really enjoy using this with my drawing Tablet. As far as I know, it also for regular tablets for Android/Ipad and is free.
  

You can pick up a drawing tablet on Amazon quite cheap these days! Small ones that are just a black slate such as the wacom ones are good but takes some practice to get use to, but very worth it if you can't afford a dedicated drawing tablet with a screen.
Office suit software
A couple of free applications for word processing, spreadsheets etc.

• LibreOffice This has most the average user would need to write their own books or to work from home. There's not a huge amount of difference between the two I'm linking (since I last used anyway) so it's more for preference.
  
• Open Office You can pick this up here and again, like above it's just preference.
  

Music Making
I'm going to direct to matthewharris806 for some links as all the programs I've used like Reason are expensive, or cheaper stuff in bundles such as Magix software.
Games development
D_Dad_Default gives some links for that here

Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.
Sun Tzu, Art of War
Everything was for tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. The present was only a bridge and on this bridge they are still groaning, as the world groans, and not one idiot ever thinks of blowing up the bridge.
Henry Miller, Tropic of Capricorn
I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge!
Tugg Speedman, Tropic Thunder
Hello again GME Gang! It’s been a while since I last ranted at you, but I know we’ve been in some very good hands here at WSB with all the great DD folks have posted over the past few weeks. So no need for CPT Hubbard to go for 11 again on the Thumbscroll Dial (until today, that is). I’ve enjoyed a lot of these posts very much, so thank you on behalf of myself and the attention-deficient Rocket Children for continuing to deliver that 100% Chaff-Free GME-grade Wheat at such a feverish clip.
Now, I am going to get to Hong Kong’s Lamest Outlaw and his disconcertingly vacant eyes here shortly. But first I want to take you on a journey back to Christmas Eve, in the year of our lord 2020—a heady time in all our lives. We were all so young and innocent then, weren’t we? Fresh off the run up to 22. Blissfully oblivious that we were living in the last moments where the question What is The War of 1812? was the only acceptable Jeopardy question for the answer: The Last Time the Goddamn U.S. Capitol Was Stormed. This was also before we all became irresponsibly overleveraged in Cathie Wood’s Ornamental Gourds ETF. It was a wondrous, confusing time.
But before we get too off topic, let’s all hop in my 1985 DeLorean (purchased with proceeds from my Jan 15 calls – thanks RC!), fire up the ol’ Flux Capacitor, and get that shit to 88 because something happened that evening that is Worth Pondering—particularly in light of recent events. And just as a friendly reminder: even though you’re going back in time in a DeLorean, no one here has to deviate funds away from GME shares to Save the Clock Tower and you are under no obligation to fulfill a scenario where you wind up making out with your Mom (unless your Mom is Cathie Wood like mine—in which case maybe just some quick over-the-clothes stuff).
On the Subject of How It Once ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas
So what in the holy fuck happened on the night before Christmas, Captain? Well, while all you Gentiles were sleeping soundly after lying to your children about benign home intruders and before gorging yourself on the teat of late-stage capitalism, me and the rest of the Chosen People were up late eating Chinese food and thinking about tendies (self-hating Jew Joke! Ba-zing!). But then: when out on the electric twitter machine there arose such a clatter, I sprang to my phone to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes did appear, a mysterious tweet from a Rich-Ass Viking who had a lot of fucking interesting things to say about this whole GME situation that’s what.
This tweet, buried as a reply to a tweet sent by Mr. Rod Alzmann (@RodAlzmann or u/Uberkikz11), simply said: “Merry Christmas. Shhh.” But it included this screen shot:
[**Image Deleted Due to the Mods - check the link below where someone transcribed it - I'll try to add later**]
Now, this tweet to Rod, sent late at night and likely after a strong Mead or three, was very promptly deleted. But your intrepid cub reporter saw this here tweet that night with his own two eyes—seeing as I am a degenerate GME addict and devoted follower of Mr. Rod Alzmann (Hi Rod!). And I took screenshots, of course, like any responsible records custodian might. And so did the dude who wrote a somewhat-overlooked WSB post on this, which included the most pertinent text of the message if you are having trouble reading it here:
https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/kk0omp/christmas_miracle_gamergate_2020_gme_shorts/
Now, what are we to make of this? At the time, I thought it was very interesting. But I did not give it too much attention seeing as how the internet is overcrowded with anonymous weirdos claiming to know more than they do about all sorts of subjects (and now I feel your judging eyes…). Also, there was some very good commentary in that WSB post from some sharp folks about the screenshot author’s questionable use of the shorthand PE/IB—given that private equity and investment banks wouldn’t apparently be involved in a behind-the-scenes transaction with the short funds like what was being discussed there (don’t ask me, I just string together silly words here). But maybe you poke around his Twitter a bit and see for yourself.
Still, plausibility assessments based on preferred nomenclature aside, it seemed to me that some version of that conversation had to be taking place behind the scenes in a situation like this—given the batshit insane short interest, the funds supposedly involved, and the rapid rise in SP coinciding with RC’s share accumulation, December 21st amended 13D filing, and new status as a GME Insider and Board member (just love saying all that in a row, don’t you?).
So the Viking’s screenshot tweet, and the very likely possibility that shorts are in so deep that they’re attempting to negotiate peace with large shareholders behind the scenes, stuck in my tiny little baby brain as a pretty plausible set of scenarios. And from the look of it, it seems like some funds were at least willing to discuss offering these shorts a Golden Bridge away from Certain Fucking Destruction on the open market. And if the words on the screenshot are at all aligned with reality, these short funds have no good options.
Yet it seems like they are still playing hardball to negotiate the carat on this generous bridge offer they’re getting. Why? Maybe they’ve been getting high on their own supply for so long and they don’t know how to see this situation for what it is. Who knows? Maybe there is no Ryan Cohen and we’re all living in a simulation. But if the recent low-rent anti-GME articles and market manipulation efforts we’re seeing are any indication, these overleveraged short fuckers seem to think they’re going to be able to spin out of this hold and drive the SP back down to even smaller peanuts than it’s at now by sheer force of will (and some deployment of well-honed tricks of the trade amirite?) to emerge unscathed. Or even victorious? I dunno—it’s their delusional fantasy sequence.
But do you know what this scenario reminds me of? And this is just coming to me so please bear with me as I’m not showing this to my editor before we print (I haven’t seen this movie in ages – don’t know what made me think of this!). Fuck it, I’m just gonna start riffing here. The shorts trying to thread this needle, against all odds and logic and common sense, reminds me of that hilarious scene in Dumb and Dumber where haplessly delusional Jim Carrey thinks he has a chance with Mary Samsonite Swanson. But the scene is funny because he really doesn’t. Have any chance. At all.
Now, I know this is a 1990s movie originally released on VHS that we haven’t seen it or even seen it referenced in ages. But now that you’re thinking of it again after all this time, doesn’t it remind you of this too? I know, I get it: You’d have to have fucking peanuts for brains for it not to.
(https://twitter.com/ryancohen/status/1350877969816956934?s=20)
On the Subject of the Continued Internet Bumbling of Mr. Justin Dopierala
Now that screenshot came to mind this past week when something kind of weird happened while we were all enjoying our quick rocket ship ride. And yes, we are briefly going to talk again about Seeking Alpha’s second finest pro-GME author (always been more of a Dmitriy man myself) and recurring CPT Hubbard character, Justin Dopierala (and no, Angela, I do not want to have like 10,000 of his babies).
Last Thursday, after we were all virtually high-fiving one another and counting our future Lambos, Mr. Justin Dopierala, head of Domo Capital and longstanding uber-bull GME shareholder and author at Seeking Alpha (last seen arguing pithily with our own Rod Alzmann about the conservative nature of Rod’s holiday earnings projections. Hi again Rod!), made it known that he sold all of Domo Capital’s 500,000 shares for around $42.50—at the very top of the run up last Thursday morning.
Now, Domo Capital’s business decisions are none of my goddamn business. And there are plenty of market opportunities right now. Shit, I hear there is even a new Cathie Wood Gourd ETF coming online soon that people are really excited about and that I’m sure Justin’s clients would find intriguing. But Domo’s decision to sell seemed curious given a few things: (1) on Wednesday, when the rocket is mid-flight, he got a twitter follow from Gabe Plotkin, head of Melvin Capital, which he promptly tweeted about with a “get a load of this fuckin’ guy” vibe (oh the sweet, intoxicating arrogance of tendie victory, I too love it so); (2) he had also tweeted that day comparing GME’s rise to Apron’s short squeeze that lasted 4 days—where he also stressed to his followers that Apron had a much lower SI than GME; and (3) he then promptly deleted all of these tweets and almost everything else GME-related on Thursday after apparently introducing 500,000 shares of liquidity into the height of a stressed market up and through the Thursday reversal and down into his own personal tendie town.
Now, after seeing all this, I mouthed off a bit to Justin on the electric twitter machine because that’s kind of my thing. And if you are familiar with my prior ramblings, you know that he and I go way back. In response, Justin talked a bit of shit about your intrepid cub reporter here in a comment on Dimitry Kozin’s October 21, 2020 article about a possible sony revenue share deal or something, the comment section of which has become the preferred SA water cooler over there. (And I can’t link that because Thems The Rulez). And Justin hurt my little feelings a bit with his very sharp denial. And by all means have at it over there to check out his comment about why he sold if you give a shit. That is if Justin hasn’t deleted it yet. Free country and all.
But to summarize, on the subject of treacherous coordination with Melvin Capital, Justin said he would not could not in a boat and he would not could not with a goat. And I for one believe him. And do you know why? Because even though Justin seems like a very smart guy in some ways, he’s also a well-known internet bumbler who blurts out things to his internet friends that a person with better self-control would keep to themselves. And so I do not think he is capable of pulling that off or keeping a secret like that. Also: he said he didn’t so I am more than willing to give someone the benefit of any doubt in that area and you should too. I think we keep Hanlon’s razor firmly in mind here about never attributing to malice that which is explained by stupidity. That is unless, of course, you’re Andrew Left and you’re actually trying to convince people that you didn’t realize there was a US presidential inauguration planned for the same time you announced your Super Important TeeVee Yammerfest ‘21 about GME not being a good candidate for an imminent short squeeze no way no how not if my name isn’t Andrew Left short seller expert extraordinaire and Hong Kong’s Most Misunderstood Ethically-Minded Businessman. You can ascribe the fuck out of malice to that one.
No, even though I really have no idea, I think the most likely thing that happened there was that Gabe Plotkin, Master of the Universe, Head of Melvin Capital, and Acolyte of Perennial Most Ethical Business Man MVP candidate, Steven Cohen—got into Justin’s head when Plotkin followed him on twitter during the 57% (at one point 94%) day last Wednesday and then Justin got a bit chippy about it.
And this is the real reason I’m bringing this up.
Because I honestly care very little about the Nervous Investing Habits of the Wisconsin hedge fund voted most likely to prompt a Mr. Roboto reference. No: I think that Gabe Plotkin sent a message with that follow. Without even ever having to say it directly. And I think that after GME’s huge run and getting a little overexcited while working the twitter machine, Justin maybe had a chance to relax with a warm glass of milk that night and reflect on that message. Which I believe was: I’m watching you, motherfucker. And the only reason I’m paying any attention to some shitstain Wisconsin pseudo-fund on a day like today when I am getting my ass fucking torched is because I want you to know that if this GME shit blows up on me, I’m going to fuck your ass up. I will remember the name Domo Capital forevermore. And when you least expect me, I’ll be there. Now: your move, motherfucker.
And once I realized what might have happened there, that made me feel kinda bad for Justin if he felt that way. Definitely a puss move because fuck you Plotkin I drink your fucking milkshake, right? But bad because that’s a mean message for a business colleague to send, Gabriel. Shame on you if that's how you roll like a big New York bully and scaring our poor Justin like that. And if you just wanted to follow him to shoot the shit or swap listicles and Star Wars Prequel memes with a respected contemporary—even in the very midst of getting fucking annihilated while short GME—well Justin has a totally different account for that and he’s not allowed to access it during work hours.
On The Likelihood That The Most Heavily Shorted Stock in History Is Not Being Subject to Continued Market Manipulation When A Steve Cohen Acolyte Is Losing His Fucking Shirt
Have you heard about Steve Fucking Cohen? The guy who looks like he’s tip top of the list of the premier Hollywood casting agency’s rolodex for Saddest Dipshit Still At the Strip Club After Everyone Else Has Already Gone Home? I’m sorry, that’s mean and my mother told me to always be kind to the truly hideous looking because they’re probably still beautiful on the inside (spoiler alert: he’s not!).
Get a load of this guy:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-01-02/why-sac-capitals-steven-cohen-isnt-in-jail
https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2020-09-02/controversial-hedge-fund-billionaire-steven-cohen-takes-on-hollywood
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/steven-a-cohen-among-the-million-dollar-donors-to-trump-inauguration-2017-04-19
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/11/steve-cohen-trump
https://nypost.com/2015/06/17/billionaire-steve-cohen-bros-out-with-guy-fieri/
Are you back? I’ve missed you. That was scary, wasn’t it? But allow me to TL/DR all that for you who decided to avoid all that unpleasantness: the dude just has all this bad luck and keeps finding himself into these really awkward situations where someone could potentially question his commitment to ethical business and life practices as well as adherence to the laws of the United States and it’s just not fair and nothing’s fair and Nice Guy Steve Cohen Is The Victim Here So Just Stop Right There Mister I See What You’re Doing. He's also bros with Guy Fieri. Cool.
But why am I talking about a guy who would so clearly pass Billy Madison’s Final Question about Business Ethics without even breaking a sweat?
Because Steve Cohen once had a young Ace Protegee that he loved very much. With the name of an Archangel, so tender and pure. And one day this young man decided he wanted to Prove Himself and Leave Steve’s Nest. And thus was born Melvin Capital, seeded financially by Steve Cohen but named after famed Crooner Melvin H. Tormé, which Gabe’s esteemed mentor Steve would play in his office, over and over, all those years ago.
Now let’s fast forward a bit because I’m boring myself with all that fucking Cohen reading (the bad Cohen—don’t you dare get anyone confused here). As I was saying: Gabe Plotkin, head of Melvin Capital, has by all accounts gotten himself into a bit of a pickle here being so deeply short GME. Lots of people have analyzed and overanalyzed it, and I’m not going to do it again here; that dead horse is well and truly beaten. But to bottom line it: we’re all just staring down what is essentially an unprecedented math problem that will, at some point, resolve itself. And if it revolves itself in favor of the Good Guys, then the Bad Guys will lose a Fuck-ton of Money. That’s your money block quote, WSJ, so fuck off and stop calling me.
Now: picture yourself as a Steve Cohen acolyte that just bought a $44M Miami Compound and who cannot stop talking about how co-owning the Charlotte Hornets is worth it just for the courtsides alone bro once basketball is a thing again and so what if Michael Jordan keeps calling him Gary it’s close enough. Are you feeling the most financially secure that you have ever felt in your young rich life right about now? Or might you be a wee bit worried that you’ve pursued an investment thesis so reckless, so irrationally and intentionally destructive of equity, that even Melvin H. Tormé himself must be rolling in his fucking grave that you would ever dare put at risk your ability to continue being Michael Jordan’s Gary?
And so here is when I again link my good buddy Jim Cramer’s Great Unveiling of the Tactics Deployed by Short Sellers hoping to change the narrative and construct a “new truth” to suppress the SP in the face of, oh, let’s just say: a very promising turnaround story in a high-growth industry by an e-Commerce Canadian Genius who does not fuck around and who knows what he’s fucking doing and aims to sell more and better video games experiences to crackhead video gamers and there’s a million things he wants to do but just you wait, just you wait.
Is this plot that hard to follow?
And I’ll also say this: I know fuck-all about monitoring order flows or how funds continue to create synthetic shares to short shit into oblivion. But I’m just stepping back and thinking of the broader narrative and tactics on this. Spit-balling here again—bear with me. Now, if you were massively short a security while paying out your ass in borrowing fees for the privilege of entering the most crowded short trade in the market and you’re now opposite a massive business turnaround story, Ryan Cohen, numerous institutions, funds, retail whales, Norwegian HNW Freemason Consortiums, and the energy behind the Finest Rocket Children Ever to Grace Planet Fucking Earth—and you’re taking it in the ass week after week here—Do you then play this straight? Do you set aside all of these illegal and deceptive short tactics Jim Cramer candidly outlines in that video even though they’re impossible to enforce and are in fact not enforced? That Jim basically says you’d be professionally negligent if you were short and didn’t do this shit because fuck it whosgonnastopyou? And now you fucked up and that steamroller is barreling down upon you and there are all these things you could theoretically do try to get yourself out of this jam if you were That Kind of Person? Do you set this all aside and, at least in Jim’s view, tie one hand behind your precious ethical back? On the most heavily shorted stock off all time where you are bleeding Real Life Big-Boy Money? Just buying and selling you know, just a job, honest living, nothing much to it, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, can't get too carried away with it.
Or is it something a little bit fucking different than that?
I don’t know. I’m not in the industry myself. And I would never accuse anyone of doing anything so clearly contrary to the values upon which their professional career as Master of the Universe was built. So Gabe: chill. Don’t follow me or something on twitter man, since for all I know that’s Plotkinese for I Hope You Don’t Mind Sleeping With This Severed Horse Head in Your Bed Motherfucker. It’s just money, dude. You seem pretty well taken care of. But man would I be sweating if I were short right now staring down the barrel of your new neighbor Ryan Cohen’s whims and patience and polite Canadian manners and ambiguous emojis that we all lose our shit for. I mean, fuck man: are you ok? Don’t forget to exercise and eat well during all this. Maybe switch to green tea or something. And remember: you’ll always—always—be Michael Jordan’s Gary.
But here is where we return to our good friend Andrew Left from Citron Research.
Do you remember the excitement you felt this past weekend? I’ve never seen WSB so jacked. People were coming out hot on Tuesday—an uptick day! The new phone book’s here! The new phone book's here! What luck to be free of Gary’s tomfoolery for one fine day. And then GME spiked right away—reaching a high of over $45 that morning.
But then something happened. We all know what it was. But here is where any SEC lookie-loos need to close those Pornhub links and pay closer attention. Because in the moments before the Citron tweet that morning about Andy’s upcoming BuzzFeed Listicle call on Why GME is Scary Investment GRRRR, total short shares available dropped from 1.2M to 0. And a $300K put bet was placed on a weekly with a strike price well over 10% out of the money at the very moment that GME’s price was accelerating rapidly. (H/t u/FatAspirations). That’s some WSB-level shit right there.
And yet they pull it off! GME immediately shoots down nearly 30% intraday, and eventually climbing abck up above 10%, making us all feel a little weird and like ungrateful millennial brats for feeling so shitty about a 10% day. But we all know what fucking happened, now don’t we?
So what can we say about ol’ Andy? Now, many of you know Andy as the dumbshit who shorted TSLA until he was ground into little bits of dumb dumb dust and made to look ever so foolish over and over again until he finally cried drunk uncle and flipped to being long TSLA and now he’s cool to you or whatever. Or you might know him as the guy who puts out really shoddy research that often, by pure happenstance, drives a new narrative to control the orderflow and SP on a WSB-beloved security like PLTR? You know the guy I’m talking about. Once in hot pursuit by Hong Kong fuzz, an International Man of Obviousness with a face that says: why yes, I will have another vodka tonic thankyouverymuch. That’s him.
Well, just like future call-back candidate for the role of Frightened Inmate #2, Mr. Steve Cohen, Andy is also but a Caveman—frightened and confused by your modern concepts of “ethics” and “rules.” No! No!—He’s a straight shooter! Devoted to rooting out obvious frauds, like Lukin Coffee and TSLA (Do not fuck with Elon or my Hot Mom’s ETF, Andy). And like the aspirations of Antoine Bugle Boy when he entered the blue jeans market, Andy saw an overcrowded short trade here based on an overly simplistic and obsolete short thesis about GME and said: “Me Too!” And as this thing is ripping to the stratosphere, Andy starts ringing his dumb dumb twitter bell and saying hear ye, hear ye—Inauguration Day and time it shall be for all my Big Brain thoughts about GME!
Nothing weird about that. No sir.
So Andy Citron or whatever the fuck his name is will be putting out some dumbshit video or something today in what seems to be a pretty clear attempt to scare my poor Rocket Children and get those pesky computers to high frequency this shit to drive the SP down to more acceptable loss levels (cause let’s be honest: they’re still taking a fucking bath here) for Mel Tormé’s namesake hedgefund and all the other cretins that are dug into short position here. And they’re gonna try to scare ya’ with the color red! And they know that no one here likes the color red.
But do see what’s going on here and who we’re dealing with. This really ain’t rocket science, Rocket Children. The dude actually tried to claim he forgot about the Inauguration. In 2021. He has not been in a coma, to the best of my knowledge. But you do look a little bleary eyed, Andy. Must have been all that staying up super late working on those last few bullet points to fill out the powerpoint on that GME listicle of yours, eh sport?
Conclusion: On the Subject of Patience and The Arc of The Universe Bending Toward Ryan Fucking Cohen
In my youth there was a period of time where I went out on boats that would drop crates into the waters of the Arctic. Bundled inside them were raw pieces of meat. In the coming days the boats would head back out to the frigid seas, hook the floats bobbing upon the waters, and pull the crates up. Packed inside would be many crabs. They were so delicious & made a good price at market. The difference between the crate that was empty and the create full of bounty was a mystery even the great physicist Erwin Schrödinger pondered at much length.
But the hearty fishermen of my youth already knew the answer long ago. Why did the trap fill up? Time. In time, all traps fill. In time, all things pondered shall be revealed.
--The Fucking Viking, That’s Who
Now look, you all know I have a soft spot for Ryan Cohen. Hell, we all do. He’s a good dude. And the man has played this flawlessly so far. He really has. The fact that we are all sitting here with Ryan Cohen having successfully negotiated three seats on the Board—a bloodless coup as my man Rod Alzmann says—here in January? It’s amazing. His vision for GME is dialed-the-fuck in and extremely exciting. This misunderstood business is on the threshold of an exciting turnaround with Ryan Cohen at the helm. And though I was very much looking forward to the potential repercussions of a vote being called at the annual meeting and what that might mean for the short-term share price, this result is infinitely better. Whatever their motivations, that Board and George Sherman saw the writing on the wall here and accepted the Golden Bridge that Ryan offered them. And Ryan Cohen has done everything he’s set out to do here. And he’s clearly been having fun while doing it. Read up on the guy at some point if you haven’t–there’s lots of good DD out there on him, obviously. And while you’re reading and thinking about Ryan Cohen, think also about guys like Steve Cohen (no fucking relation) and Gabe Plotkin and Andy Left and how lucky we are that we get to roll with RC against that motley crew of fuckwads.
And do you know what? I’m guessing that RC, and maybe even the funds being discussed in that screenshot, have been very patient with Mr. Plotkin et al in recent weeks. You don’t go around bankrupting hedge funds willy nilly, you know--bad form and all that old chap. People tend to remember that. And guys like Steve Cohen and Gabe Plotkin seem like they play for keeps. So now you try to build them a Golden Bridge to cross—maybe not their preferred route of travel, but could be worse and all that, right guys? But for whatever reason it seems like the natural instinct here on the short side is fight over flight. And these short FUD tactics are getting increasingly ridiculous to help slow down the inevitable march toward the detonator right next to that bridge. So relax everyone! And let’s not fool ourselves: All those Masters of the Universes are well aware of the math problem they’re all facing here and they must have a vague grasp of the odds that this goes off in one direction over the other. And what that could mean for the size of their money pits and how many sports teams they can buy this year. Shit, I assume Steve Cohen is counseling his young acolyte about how many sads he himself felt deep down in his man heart on that fateful day in 2008 when he lost $250M on a short when Volkswagon squeezed to infinity—a sadness that he will continue to draw on when his agent finally finds him a role that calls for it.
But my point is: the longs here can afford to be patient and let this play out. When this thing moves, the Viking’s Schrödinger crabs will only be in one pot. And I’m guessing that pot is the one being held by the guy who is actually in total control here: Ryan Goddamn Cohen.
So enjoy the show today. If you’re anything like me, you’re feeling relaxed after gorging yourself on lucky space peanuts all week.(https://solarsystem.nasa.gov/news/10022/lucky-peanuts/)
And though these silly wabbits with their cumbersome FUD efforts can get a bit tiresome, I’m still very much enjoying this GME show at this point and almost do not want it to end—what with all these Sorkin-esque twists and turns and my Cohen Tweet Decorder Ring getting all this sweet action.
But just remember who Ryan Cohen is, what he cares about, and what, so far, he has told us he intends to do here. And then you might realize, as I have, that Ryan Cohen has had the Gray’s Sports Almanac here all along. This story has already been written. He’s already won. And Melvin Capital’s Schrödinger-ass crabs are dead as fuck. The only question now is: what causes that Golden Bridge to blow? I, for one, am content to wait on RC while counting my good fortune that I can continue to accumulate until whatever happens here happens. So pass the rocket peanuts.
It’s just money after all. Right Gabe?
TL/DR: Psst: a Mysterious Viking once told me about behind-the-scenes Golden Bridge negotiations that are likely taking place that give shorts no chance but the shorts seem to think they’re saying there’s a chance but there really is no chance; Gabe Plotkin, Steve Cohen and Andy Left are misunderstood Straight Shooters who probably answer typical interview questions about their own perceived weaknesses by saying “Sometimes I just care too much about doing the right thing”; and Ryan Cohen is the Goddamn Man so we can all relax and not worry so much about all this dumb short FUD bullshit, ok? OK. 🚀🚀🚀
**If you construe any of the above as investment advice without doing your own DD or at least Googling Ryan Cohen then you are a fucking idiot and may God have mercy on your soul. You too, Andy.

Your fingers drum on the table, betraying just a bit of your irritation at the monologue. Finance is doing that thing you hate where he knows everyone is tapped out, so he says his game actions just a little quieter than normal. Let’s be honest, you don’t really need to know what’s going on with his board. He plays another 8-drop and starts drawing cards from a litany of triggers. You trust that you don’t need to count where they’re all coming from- it would be statistically unlikely for him to not have all of his draw engines out, and you’d rather not have his mono-green deck explained condescendingly to you again.
You scan the board. It would be comical how thickly plastered Finance’s playmat was with green foils if it wasn’t the 3rd time tonight he’d popped off like this. Next to him, beaming admiringly, is his significant other, Government. Back when she was a new addition to the playgroup, some people wondered if she was going to be able to keep up with Finance- he can be a bit of a harsh guy. That was a long time ago, though, and time had shown her to be equally capable of some brutal beats. Her death & taxes list had put the screws on everyone in the early game. It didn’t seem to be in much of a winning position, but a couple hatebears and some life pressure had put everyone on the defensive.
Finance passes the turn, clearly holding up some onboard protection. Government flashes a beaming smile at him, then untapped and draws. She casts Kambal to go alongside her Thalia and passes. She’s been sitting comfortably in this game due to all of the lifegain triggers the mono-green deck gives her, and at this point is sitting behind a shoddy wall of 2-power creatures. Funnily enough, you realize all of her hatebears are best against noncreatures, but the best she’s done about her boyfriend’s board is profit off it. Maybe she just didn’t draw any of the useful tax effects this game, you tell yourself halfheartedly, but you’re pretty sure she revealed an Ethersworn Canonist off Bob half a dozen turns back.
Your attention shifts over to your final podmate, who seems to be paying even less attention than you are, eyes buried in their phone. You hope they’re having fun. You’d invited them to join the group not so long ago, and they had seemed really excited, but you know they had a lot of hobbies they would talk about excitedly and abandon just as quickly as they’d taken them up. Their first deck was undeniably built with passion, but maybe a bit misdirected in the cards chosen and the number of colors they spanned. Internet untaps their messy pile of mismatched lands, casts a couple creatures, and resumes looking at their phone screen. You gather from context clues that they are done, though they have left an indiscernible number of white-bordered basics untapped in a stack.
Internet’s board is full of exciting pet cards- the type of cards that make for great stories, but maybe a little less than reliable. Removal spells had been cut for weird counterspells printed in the 90s, and you know they’d recently cut their Wrath of God for a copy of Yargle. “Come on, can you imagine topdecking this guy? It’ll be hilarious!” If this were a couple turns earlier, they might be putting up a fight against Finance’s board- the green deck was getting low on life- but it was a bit too late to be brawling with the ball of elves and beasts at this point.
You put a couple blockers in play in hopes that, somehow, you can live through the impending combat step. Finance untaps gleefully, humming a little bit to himself. What follows is the greediest, most self-indulgent turn in all of history. He casts a dozen creatures, slams a Concordant Crossroads, and then- not to give credence to the notion that he might end the game anytime soon- continues to cast and tap creatures to bolster his board. His library has been smaller than his hand for a while now- no sign of being anywhere near out of gas anytime soon. After what seems like an eternity he looks across the board, shrugs, taps out for an X spell, and goes to combat.
He stared down at his board much like a king on a parapet, admiring all that he owned. You can tell that, as far ahead as he was, he was still doing some math as to how greedy he could get. His eyes meet yours and he sees how little attention you are paying to his turn. A clear sign. A moment passes, then he puts his forearm on his playmat and turns it.
“Swing with everything. Half at you, half at Internet. Internet, now that you’re dead, can I see what that morph was?”
Internet doesn’t look up from their hand. They pick up the stack of white-bordered lands and flop them back down sideways, followed by another card. “Settle?”
You look at Finance’s face as Settle the Wreckage goes on the stack. They’ve gone slackjawed, eyes darting across the board to see how much they’d lost. The tapped Birds of Paradise sends a message, but not the intended one- an 0/1 unnecessarily lost to greedy play.
A smile spreads across your face. You know Internet’s pile won’t be able to punish the green deck every time, but it was nice to be there when it happened this once.

Background: I am a 25 year old Starbucks barista. I was working full-time until fairly recently (Novemberish) as the rising cases in my city & my own health issues led to a really good talk with my boss. I have reduced my hours by 50% - enough to keep my health insurance, but enough to qualify for the Canada Recovery Benefit, an extra $900 every two weeks. This is for my own peace of mind as I really cannot afford to get COVID, especially as I am chronically ill.
I’d like to make note of two things -
I am one of those weirdos who has taken COVID seriously since it hit the news in January. My spouse and I had masks and sanitizer before it was cool, lol. As a result, I have not and do not go out much except to work. I do not see other people (the exception being this week as you will read.) I do pop into retail stores still as Canada Post is absolutely swamped with packages so I avoid trying to buy online.
In this diary I am battling with a Crohn’s flare. I promise the exhaustion and joint aches are because of that, not because of COVID! Funnily enough, I do credit my Crohn’s for my ease with COVID-19 restrictions and lockdowns. Being that I was hospitalized for a long time as a teen, I find it easy to be isolated and stay isolated. I know a lot of people struggle with that.
Onto the good stuff…
The Positives
Income: 16.24/hourly. I was promoted since my last diary and am now a certified trainer!
CRB: $1800/monthly. I am so incredibly thankful that I have this failsafe.
Student loans: I am back in school with more emergency management and communications classes. I applied for just enough of a student loan to pay the tuition and no more. Starbucks gives $1,000 of tuition reimbursement if you pass your classes which I can pay back onto my student loans and basically covers the cost of my classes this semester.
The Negatives
Rent/Utilities/Condo Fees: a flat $1050 monthly to S. The bills come out of his account and this is the number we landed on.
Internet: $42.50 (my half - all bills are my half. S works for the city government in waste management and makes $63,000~ a year. He has no debts except his car loan & the mortgage.)
Phone: $58.21 monthly for 13GB and unlimited texts and calls. I own my phone outright.
NYT: $14.28 for the news, Cooking, and the crossword.
Spotify: $4.99 monthly. Canadian baristas do not get the free Spotify perk. :(
Headspace: $0 monthly. We do at least get this!
Car insurance: $197.41 monthly. This is with a 9 year clean driving record, a reduced rate because of my grades, and the fact that identifying as a woman also lessens the price. And it’s still $2400 a year. Kill me. I own my car outright though.
Google Photos: $2.79/monthly.
Health insurance: $39/check to cover S and I, dental and medical. I am also on S’s so we have full coverage.
Debts & Assets:
Student loans: I have $8,000 in provincial loans and $11,000 in federal loans. They are on pause as I am in school but I was paying $215 a month towards them. I know I qualify for repayment assistance but the goddamn NSLSC will never pick up the phone.
Car: It is a 13-year-old SUV and worth maybe $2,000. I will drive that thing until it dies.
Savings: I have approximately $1500 in a TFSA. I have about $750 in Starbucks stock (not technically a savings, it was my grant this year + my own contributions, 1% from my paycheck.) I am also enrolled in their retirement plan. No idea how much is in that as I can only access the website on the work computer and never remember to do that. I have $150 in stocks because I thought I was going to be Jordan Belfort or something, idk.
Tips: I hoard all of my tip money in a little jar hidden somewhere in my home. It is at about $475.
I have no other debt.
Day One - Tuesday
7:50: S kisses me goodbye and leaves for work. I snuggle back in.
8:10: M, my male cat, is tapping my face for breakfast. Ignored.
8:24: He tries again and I get up. Lately I have been noticing the time 8:24 a lot. I told S and he said he’s been noticing 10:42 a lot. So we have decided those are our angel numbers. M is no angel though despite waking me up at this time.
8:40: Everyone is fed and I make my coffee and let out the dog, K. Oh yeah… the dog… he was an accident. We did not intend on getting a dog. It is a long story. I love him to bits.
9:15: Finish my coffee and go upstairs to have a snuggle with Z, our female cat. She is so warm. I was intending on going out to buy M’s wet food today but it is snowing something fierce and I hate driving in the snow so I resign myself to staying indoors. I would also normally take K on a walk at this time but he had knee surgery this past year and the cold and snow really bother it, so we will do some indoor play and puzzles to keep him occupied (he is a corgi and is a monster without stimulation. Again, DID NOT INTEND ON THE DOG.)
10:00: Write these entries and tidy up our spare room. We turned it into a nap/cat/yoga den as we were, obviously, not having any visitors. However, my sister-in-law is pregnant and is coming down tonight for an advanced ultrasound as there is a tentative abnormality with the baby. Because her town has had 0 cases thus far - congratulations to them, honestly - and the outpatient clinic is the one two minutes from our neighbourhood, we decided it was OK for her to stay with us. She will drive down tonight and leave right after her appointment tomorrow. 12:30: Did some cleaning, cereal eating, bed-making, what have you. I go to take the garbage out to our complex dumpster in my tshirt and notice it’s not as bad as I thought despite the snow. So I gear up and take out K.
1:15: I’m so glad I did - he was so happy! Usually he starts limping within a few minutes if the cold is bothering him but he was putting his head and belly into the snow drifts so I know he was having a good time. The cold and the walk have wiped me out though. I eat a clementine and lay under my heated blanket for a nap with Z and K (M likes to watch the snow upstairs.)
4:15: K snores himself awake and barks at himself so I wake up too. Z looks annoyed and wanders upstairs. Three animals is quite the zoo.
Check my phone and see my SIL asked if I could leave a dinner for her in the fridge, if I was making something? She left later than intended and won’t be here until 9 so dinner options will be limited. I tell her I haven’t been feeling well and S is at a union meeting tonight (why the union is doing in person meetings, I don’t know.) but it is pasta Tuesday at Boston Pizza… she readily agrees. I place an order for ravioli for myself and fettuccine for her. S will get fed at his meeting. My SIL says she will leave me cash for her half even though I try to tell her not to. Hopefully she forgets. (27.98 delivery, I’m going to leave a cash tip of $10 taped to the door for coming in the snow.)
6:30: I have enough of an appetite to eat my ravioli but only get through four pieces. I put it away to eat it later and feed the animals. I give K his puzzle bowl and he gives me a look of despair.
8:00: Ding! Crossword and mood log notifications go off. I get about halfway through the crossword when my SIL gets here.
10:30: We have a catch-up and exchange Christmas gifts as we couldn’t go up North for the holidays. Then I head to bed. I do my skincare and jade roll out a pinched nerve in my jaw - feels so good. Finish my crossword and then bed.
Daily Total: $39.98
Day Two - Wednesday
8:24: Right on time, the tiny beasts request food. SIL is already gone. She left me a $20, argh! I put it in my tip jar as I took from there to leave the cash tip but I wish she hadn’t. Babies are let out and fed.
9:30: Manage a bowl of cereal. Feel exhausted. It’s -31C out so we play indoor fetch. Putter around the house.
10:30: Go upstairs and do my skincare and fill out my journal as I couldn’t last night. I bought a daily Moleskine planner but use it as more of a journal. I put on a Yoga by Adrienne video as I won’t be walking K. I work today so I stretch.
12:30: I lay down with K after some more fetch (I told you the exhaustion is real in this diary.)
2:00: My alarm goes off. I eat mashed potatoes and drink some water, then go upstairs to find M and Z cuddling in my vanity chair. I perch on the edge - because they refuse to move! - and do some makeup. I change into my personal uniform of all black (hides the stains) and set out.
5:00: I have my first break. I got $3 in tips from last week (lol) so I use it to buy a croissant. I’m gonna claim this as a +.82 because the croissant was only 2.18.
7:00: I only manage half of my pasta on my break, which is unusual for me. I drink a mint tea to settle my stomach.
9:15: It was so dead we managed to finish everything super quickly. I take home some expired oat bars as they’re the only Starbucks snack S can eat.
9:30: Home and greet everyone. S lets out K and goes upstairs to get ready for bed. I do my “closing tasks.” This is something I picked up from the TikTok account domesticblisters, who is a licensed therapist. She has this concept of care tasks, and what tasks you should do to help set yourself up for success every night - even if it’s just to survive the day. It really resonated with me and is something I have done every night since November with a few exceptions! I start my closing tasks after I finish my nightly crossword.
Every night, I fill up all the waters in the house (ours, animals, the Keurig, etc.) I get to Sink Zero, which might mean loading the dishwasher and running it, or washing all the dishes in the sink. I disinfect the sink and scrub the stove, then disinfect the counters and the dining table. I do a Swiffer of the floor (K brings in lots of pawprints and salt from outside.) I pick up any garbage/recycling/things that don’t belong downstairs. It is so nice to come down every morning to a clean main floor and sets the mood for the day. And it only takes me 20ish minutes.
10:00: Done my tasks, give everyone a little treat for not walking on the wet floor - they’ve learned quickly that if they wait they get a treat - and head upstairs. Journal, do my skincare, floss, brush, and head to bed. Listen to Temple Rain on Headspace.
Daily Total: +$20.82
Day Three - Thursday
8:00: I can already tell today is a bad stomach day. Luckily my boss texted me and asked if I wanted to give up my shift as it was going to be super dead with the impending snowstorm and deep freeze. I readily agree and doze off for a few minutes before M bites me hard enough to get me up.
9:00: Everyone is fed, let out. I drink coffee. K is being a major snugglebug. It is snowing like crazy out but I have to go do some errands.
12:00: I stop bumming around and gear up to go outside. It’s still snowing. Ugh, Alberta.
First stop is to get gas. I have a quarter of a tank left. Remember in April when gas was like, 50c a litre? It’s 1.06 today. Also, fellow Canadians, the Esso Speedpass app is a godsend. Not having to touch any buttons on the pump has been so helpful. 45.93
Next I head to the grocery store to get milk, chicken, and cereal. I also end up getting soup, a new bubble bath, a replacement of my body wash, and a new leave-in conditioner. 27.66 (my half)
Third stop is the pet store. I grab a flat of M’s wet food. At the checkout the cashier asks if I want to donate some canned food to the local rescue as they just picked up nearly 100 kittens. That suckers me and I say yes. I also note that they’re accepting old blankets/comforters, as we just switched our duvet out, and the old one is fluffy and perfect for furbabies. 32.29 (my half)
Lastly, I go to Canadian Tire to pick up an online order I placed. It was paid for last week. It’s a gift wrap storage bin as we accumulated a bunch of rolls last year and the cats keep scratching it. Canadian Tire is fun because they have these lockers they place your order in now, and give you a pin to pick it up, so I don’t even interact with anyone. In and out.
2:00: Home and everything sanitized and put away. I wipe down my phone and watch and throw my gloves in the washer as they’re looking kind of grimy. Have a rest with K.
5:00: We play fetch and S comes home. K runs around like crazy. I go upstairs and work on a paper.
7:00: I have an appetite! I manage about 6 pieces of ravioli and some yogurt. S makes chicken wings for himself.
8:00: Go upstairs to finish off my paper and get my steps in. M is whining at me so we play with his favourite toy, a piece of twine. I do my crossword, drag the twine, and do my steps at the same time. It’s called multitasking. I make a lemon ginger tea. It’s disgusting but I drink it all as I’ve heard it has great benefits for your stomach. Does anyone else just not like tea? I’ve tried tons - thanks to Teavana at work - but I’m really only a real Indian cha girl.
9:30: I finish my steps, do my closing tasks, take a melatonin, do my skincare, and head to bed. Goodnight world.
Daily Total: 105.88
Day Four - Friday
7:45: Everyone is being very loud and banging around this morning.
8:20: Feed the zoo, let out K. It is snowing again and it is a vicious -27C outside. I have my coffee.
9:30: Realize my paper is due today. It’s mostly finished so I don’t fret. Eat cereal and start a load of laundry, and then vacuum.
10:30: Get distracted looking up refurbished Apple Pencils. I don’t need one, I don’t need one… I click out of the page. Then reopen it. Then exit it again and watch TikToks instead.
11:00: I pluck my eyebrows - something I’ve done on my own for about 7 years now. I wonder how much money that’s saved me. I put on snail essence but don’t do a full skincare routine as I intend on a shower. I do a full hair treatment with a desi hair oil. I wrap it up in a bun and get to work on finishing my paper.
1:00: Finish and submit. I air fry pork buns for lunch. My stomach feels way better today. Maybe the tea made some points…
3:00: Finished my shower. My natural curl has come back in full force. I used to have tiny ringlets as a kid and they vanished with age. Then I saw a TikTok (again, lol) which essentially said: if you’re not white, why are you using white hair products? I switched to desi & black hair products a month ago and the difference has been crazy.
5:30: S is home and K is immediately crazy. I really miss our walks. I decide to corral him momentarily in the bathroom and hide his kibble around the main floor so he can do his sniffari for dinner. He loved this game!
7:00: I try to build a Notion dashboard. This is too hard. I eat some more ravioli. Sorry for my five-year-old diet in this. It’s a bowel rest diet.
8:00: Crossword, steps, and M play time.
9:30: Closing tasks! Then bed.
Daily total: $0
Day Five - Saturday
7:45: Woken up by the usual ruckus.
8:30: Blah, blah, blah. Have my coffee. Make an egg sandwich because Saturdays are chaos and I need the protein.
9:30: Do my skincare, makeup, and hair while a nervous pit opens up in my stomach. Not only is it a cool -35C out, but Saturdays are terrible at work. I’m not a crier and have never cried at any place of employment until Saturdays @ the Siren. It’s gotten worse during the pandemic as people crave normalcy and to them, getting their coffee every Saturday is normal. But they refuse to treat us with any decency. It’s hard when you are treated as expendable so that white-collar WFH/SFH families can berate you over how long their $40 order takes. (I work in a very wealthy area.)
Also, if I am put in the drive-thru window, I will be very grumpy about it.
1:00: I was put on bar, which is a lot of responsibility on a Saturday. I buy a butter croissant and drink a mint tea on my break. 2.38
3:00: Someone yells at me about the bathrooms being closed.
3:30: I eat the last of my pasta at lunch and have a blacktea lemonade.
5:00: Someone returns a drink twice for not being the right shade of pink. She tries a third time and I politely tell her another store can make the moment right, since we clearly can’t. I hate Saturdays.
5:30: Free and covered in syrup, milk, and a mango dragonfruit that exploded at my feet. I take a hot shower and decide my day is done, so I do my skincare and remove my makeup and contacts.
8:00: S finishes gaming with his brother and I make a stir-fry sans veggies for dinner.
9:30: Closing tasks, except no mopping because the ground is frozen so K hasn’t brought in any tracks. I floss, jade roll, and fall asleep.
Daily Total: 2.38
Day Six - Sunday
8:24: M pats me awake.
9:00: I apologize for this being the most boring Money Diary of all time. Coffee and toast for breakfast.
12:00: Bummed around all morning but did a vacuum and started a load of laundry. Tomorrow is our weekly “reset” day so I don’t have much to do today. I work at 5 PM.
I research photobooks on Shutterfly. I have 30,000 photos sitting in my Google Drive and a backup hard drive. It’s serving me no use so I want to go through them, make photobooks, and delete the rest off of my computer (keeping them in their backups.) They’re currently 50% off but it would take me a long time to do seven years’ worth of books so I can’t (and won’t) pull the trigger now, but I also know Shutterfly and vistaprint host many sales, so I’m not too fussed.
2:00: We have a Zoom call with S’s family to do a late Christmas opening together. The kids (and adults!) love their gifts. We talk about the cold and about the new niece or nephew on the way.
4:30: I go upstairs and get dressed for work. S is driving me so I don’t have to worry about starting my car in the cold. It is supposed to reach -41C.
5:30: I forgot it was Superbowl Sunday. Our store is located next to the turnoff into the plaza so we try and count how many Ubers are coming in for food pickups but get bored of that. Somehow I get water on the ceiling.
7:00: I eat an “expired” croissant and drink a mint tea on my break. A woman comes through drive-thru for just a cookie. She says she didn’t know there was a Starbucks here so she had to settle for another coffee chain’s iced coffee, and then drove by and saw us. I tell her to wait and come back with a free iced coffee because no one should be subjected to the other chain’s. To my surprise she bursts into tears. A very wholesome interaction.
8:30: It’s so dead my supervisor lets the other closer go home because we’re basically done for the night and he lives 40 minutes from the store.
9:30: I leave with my coffee bean markout and another “expired” croissant, as well as a blacktea lemonade for S. We wait to make sure my supervisor’s car starts as she drives a ten-year-old minivan that recently got rear-ended, and it didn’t start last night apparently, so she had to wait for her husband to come boost her as everyone had left. She flashes her lights at us and we leave. S wants McDonald’s but I don’t so he orders and pays for just himself.
10:30: Done closing tasks. I had some soup for dinner. Bed time.
Daily Total: $0
Day Seven - Monday
8:00: I did not sleep well. M bites me and I grumble at him and hide under the covers. S gets up and feeds the animals instead.
8:45: Everyone is waiting for me to come downstairs. Being a pet mom is like being a celebrity.
9:30: Coffee and my croissant from last night for breakfast.
10:30: It’s reset day. Every Monday I clean out the fridge, dust/clean the appliances and cupboards, wash the sheets, do a major vacuum (we do small vacuums during the week but I have a Bissell Crosswave and use it every week to suck up the oodles of pet hair.) and refill canisters. I also do some self care tasks like a serious eyebrow groom, a hair oil, an Aztec face mask, clipping all my nails/painting my toenails, and in the shower I shave my legs for the week. The animals also get a spa day. We check toenails and brush them out.
Then the week is nicely set up and we don’t have to worry about this stuff until next Monday!
S is braving the weather to go to the grocery store. He comes back with a full haul as there was quite a bit of discounted meat. We put it in the freezer. 48.33 (my half)
2:30: I finish the main floor items and go upstairs to find S and the cats in the nap den bed. I decide to crawl in too and we have a major cuddle nap. K isn’t allowed upstairs so the cats have a space away from him, but we spend a lot of time downstairs with him, so I don’t feel too bad.
4:30: Up from the nap and do the upstairs chores, and then a shower. I break halfway to have some soup.
7:00: House is clean, I am clean, and animals are clean! S and I make Cajun rice for dinner. I do my steps and crossword puzzle.
9:30: Closing tasks, lights out!
Daily Total: 48.33

There have been a few other long-term HODLers sharing their stories recently and I've greatly enjoyed reading them and reminiscing about Bitcoin's past. Here's my story - I hope it's as entertaining as the others.
---
Every number between 0 cents and the current ATH has been, by definition, the all-time-high at one point. Don't let that prevent you from taking a risk in something you believe in. Extend your time horizon to a decade and lock your coins away.
---
I've been a libertarian since I was a teenager. The expanding role of the State is something that I've been worrying about for most of my life. While learning about the immorality of the existence of the State, at some point I learned about monetary policy and how inflation is robbing everyone on an unprecedented scale. I tucked this knowledge away and was determined to figure out a way around it when I started making my own money. (This paragraph is the only one involving political philosophy, go ahead and continue reading)
I first heard of Bitcoin in 2010 on one of the many forums I frequented in my libertarian internet circle. It was an interesting concept to me, but I didn't pursue it at all. Again I tucked this knowledge away for future use.
I heard of it again several months later (2010). This time I decided to try it out. I remember downloading and syncing the reference wallet and using a BTC faucet to send coins to my wallet. I forget exactly how many it was... 5, maybe? That's as far as I went with it though. At some point I deleted the wallet and the downloaded blockchain - probably to make room for a Steam game or something. Those coins are gone.
That's right - Steam. I have been a gamer for most of my life as well. I owned a powerful graphics card at the time: The Radeon 5970.
The third time I heard about Bitcoin was in May 2011. I had heard that the price was lifting off and people were making a lot of money from it. This time I decided to dive in and see what I could figure out.
This was where I fell into the deep rabbit hole of Bitcoin. I remember getting so absorbed in it that I didn't sleep some nights. I was working my day job, going home and learning all that I could about Bitcoin. Learning about how addresses were generated, how wallets worked, how mining worked, how the difficulty adjustment worked, everything that I possibly could.
After a week or two of obsessing and reading about Bitcoin, I decided that this was the most important invention since the internet - the most perfect form of money ever created. One of the most ingenious systems ever designed by man - and NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT YET.
I can't recall if any other coins existed at the time, but between 2011-2012 I remember other coins like Namecoin, Peercoin, Feathercoin, and some others. I don't hear about any of those other coins these days... besides LTC and XRP, of course.
I decided that I wanted in. I needed to get some Bitcoin. I needed it NOW!! This would be like buying stock in the Internet itself but better - no counterparty risk, and I could be my own bank!
I wasn't making a lot of money at the time, so putting money towards anything discretionary wasn't going to be friendly to my budget. Yes, I owned a badass gaming rig, but that was my only luxury in life. I knew I was going to buy for the long term, so I decided to put aside $500 and go for it. I was going to buy Bitcoin.
At the time, Mt Gox was the only game in town that I can remember. I don't think BTC-e existed yet, or maybe I just hadn't heard of it.
I signed up for a Gox account and figured out how to fund it. There were a few ways to do this, one of which was another app called Dwolla. So I signed up for Dwolla and got verified. I then deposited my $500 and initiated the ACH transfer to Gox. BTC price at the time: $3.
I had initiated the transfer on a Tuesday evening after work. I was informed that the transfer would arrive at Gox on Friday.
I watched agonizingly as the price climbed hour after hour, day after day. $3.50. $4. $5. $6. I was missing the boat!!! By Thursday evening the price had doubled.
At work on Friday, I checked my email on my phone practically every five minutes. The transfer didn't go through the entire work day. I had plans with friends that evening - damn it, I was going to have to try and do this on my phone while hanging with my friends?!
I ended up making my first BTC purchase while sitting in a movie theater. I bought 50 Bitcoin for $10 each - during an all-time-high.
I still hodl every one of these coins today.
(The movie, for the curious: X-Men: First Class)
I couldn't stop there, though. The more I learned, the more I had to know. The more I had to DO. That's when I got into GPU mining.
This was a time before ASICs. I believe GPU mining was relatively new -- before this, miners were only using CPUs (which were in 2011 -- like GPUs in 2020 -- obsolete for SHA256 mining).
The next day I dove headfirst into Bitcoin mining. I downloaded the software and set up an account on Slush Pool. I ran my 5970 on full blast for a while and went out with some friends. When I got back, my bedroom was noticeably hotter than it was when I left. So that's what I was going to be dealing with? Ok, fine.
I also couldn't play any demanding video games while the miner was running. I'd have to dial the hashrate down, or disable it completely. Ok, I guess I can manage that.
After a few days of dealing with that, I decided to buy another 5970. If I got bored of Bitcoin, it would still make The Witcher 2 run better!
All told, between mining with Slush Pool and BTCGuild for a month, I managed to mine an additional 50BTC that month.
I still hodl every one of these coins today.
One day, my electric bill came. $350. For my 1BR apartment? That can't be right...
I called up the electric company and told them they double-billed me.
"Nope, that amount is accurate. That's what you owe for this month. Have a nice day!"
And that was the day I stopped Bitcoin mining.
I had been telling all my friends and gamer friends about Bitcoin the entire time. They laughed at me. I told them they wouldn't be laughing when I was a millionaire.
Soon after, Bitcoin crashed -- HARD. Dropping from $32 at its peak to $2 over the next few months -- one of the largest price drops in its history.
I was dejected. I stopped talking about it with my friends. The gamer communities I was a member of made fun of me relentlessly, trashing Bitcoin every day. News articles celebrating Bitcoin's death popped up everywhere. It was the first major public crash, and I felt all alone.
I uninstalled the Bitcoin price widget from my phone. I moved on with my life and tried to forget about Bitcoin. I left the wallet on my PC, but deleted my copy of the blockchain.
I barely thought about Bitcoin for the next two years. Any time someone brought it up at work or in my friend group, I changed the subject. I was completely demoralized and thought I had fallen for the biggest scam of all time.
After this unbearable TWO YEAR period... Bitcoin came back.
One day I opened Bitcoin and saw utter elation all over the front page. What the hell was going on?
Bitcoin had surpassed the last all-time-high and was climbing still. $50... $100. And it was still going!!!
I snapped out of my multi-year funk right then and there. Somehow my paper financial loss had clouded my judgment and made me forget about the fundamentals that made me interested in Bitcoin in the first place.
"Bitcoin was back?" It had never left. It was still the same decentralized, unforgeable, instantly transferrable miracle asset that I had fallen in love with.
I got back into mining again, but I didn't leave my GPUs running 24/7 like I had before. Eventually, ASICs started coming out and obsoleted GPU miners, so I had to start mining LTC instead and selling them for BTC. I mined on a site called give-me-ltc and did my trades on BTC-e.
Eventually I got tired of managing my miners, paying extra for electricity, and dealing with switching stuff around for gaming. I stopped mining again and moved on to other things.
I exited this phase with an additional 30BTC and over 400LTC. I still hodl every one of these coins today.
Eventually, BTC hit $1000. I watched this live on bitcoinity.org. I remember this day vividly.
The graphic shown on bitcoinity for every price point was usually some sort of funny gif - someone dancing, someone acting crazy, someone making a funny face, Mr. Bean watching signposts fly past his car. This time, the gif was different - it was serious.
It was an astronaut on the moon. A flag was planted behind him bearing the Bitcoin logo.
Tears welled up in my eyes. This was significant. Bitcoin was being recognized for what it was - the most perfect form of money ever created.
My stack was now worth enough to pay off all of my six-figure student loan debt. I had thought that I would be paying this debt off for the rest of my life. Bitcoin meant potential financial freedom to me.
I didn't sell a single satoshi.
Of course, $1000 didn't last, and paying off all my loans with my stack was no longer a possibility. The price did not recover for almost FOUR years -- even longer than the previous crypto winter. During this time I bought a few more coins through Coinbase.
The 2017 run-up was a blur -- except for one day...
The day I became a crypto millionaire.
My family didn't grow up with a ton of money. I never had the latest clothes, toys -- well, anything. We weren't poor, but we scraped by. I didn't have a great education in personal finance.
Being a crypto millionaire went straight to my head.
Driving to work on that day, I remember thinking I was the most badass person on Earth. Somehow I had managed to manipulate some computer numbers around that were now worth over a million dollars!!
I couldn't help it - I told everyone at work. I was a crypto millionaire. I couldn't shut up about it. I told my family. I told my friends. I told everyone.
I went to the store to grab a few things. Walking the aisles, I couldn't stop thinking about it. "These people have no idea they're standing next to a MILLIONAIRE."
Of course, my crypto millionaire status didn't last long.
This time, though, I SODL a few coins at the peak. I bought a house and a car.
A month or two later, I was no longer a crypto millionaire.
Seeing the altcoin season was kind of crazy to me. For a few months, you literally could not pick a losing coin. Everyone was a winner. It was sheer insanity. I picked up a few ETH to get some exposure, even though I didn't (and still don't) believe in it long term.
I'm doing pretty well these days. I am numb to any price activity at this point. The last time I bought was the dip down to $4000 in March. I don't know how anyone could have resisted that one.
Other than what I SODL in 2017, I still hodl all of my coins.
You may be able to see a pattern here. There's always going to be another all-time-high. There's always going to be a crash or a correction. You're probably going to feel stupid more than a handful of times being a HODLer. But eventually these feelings go away.
I have a few more anecdotes and random thoughts to share, so I'll make them bullet points below:
​
- I held on to my BCH for a while. I will admit that I was TERRIFIED during the flippening. 6-12 months later, I sold them all for BTC.
- I immediately sold all my BSV for LTC.
- I hold BTC, LTC, and ETH. That's it.
- I don't believe in any of these centralized or "new and improved" shitcoins. I'm a BTC maximalist through-and-through. The only other coin I'd consider at this point would be Monero. I know almost nothing about it and I haven't done any research on it, so I don't hold any.
​
FUNNY
- I gave $5 of BTC to a friend in 2013. They forgot about it. I reminded them about it this year. They sold it for $175.
- I gave $30 of BTC to a friend in 2013. They sold it in 2017 for $750.
- I solo mined IxCoin (literal who?) for a few days because I wanted to feel what it was like to solo mine a block. I did not solo mine a block.
- My favorite Bitcoin meme is "This is gentlemen." Why don't people say that anymore?
​
REMINISCING
- Wallets I used: Bitcoin core -> Armory Offline (airgapped with TAILS) -> Electrum Offline (airgapped with TAILS) -> trezor
- Armory was flaky as fuck. I moved on to Electrum after the 20th time Armory failed to sync the blockchain. I remember having to manually export the private keys using some Python script because I couldn't get the wallet synced.
- Reddit is too slow for BTC sometimes, so I would go to the BTC-e trollbox to get some realtime action. Now that BTC-e is gone, I typically hang out in /biz/ when Reddit is boring.
​
REGRETS
- Not buying more. Not mining more.
- Not selling BCH for BTC immediately. That one still stings.
- Focusing a little too much on paying down debt vs buying more BTC.
- Buying precious metals in 2013. What a waste.
- Selling in 2017. But, I wanted a house and a car. Regretting taking profit is stupid, but I can't help it.
​
THOUGHTS
- I never once tried to convince anyone to buy Bitcoin, despite how much I talked about it. I tried to convince people of the potential and that the Fed was evil, but I never once said, "You should buy Bitcoin" to anyone.
- I see another 10x for BTC. Just buy BTC. Don't buy anything else. Just buy BTC and fucking HODL.
- HODL through these crashes. They make you stronger. After a few of them, nothing will faze you. Be a fucking man and HODL on to your coins!!!!!
- People just don't understand the network effect of the BTC protocol. No one cares that another coin has better features. No one cares that there are better internet protocols. They use what has the most infrastructure and support. Don't fall for these shitcoins.
- People don't understand the layering concept. Increasing blocksize simply isn't the solution to scaling Bitcoin - second layer and beyond is the solution.
- Taxation is theft.
​
Hopefully this was at least mildly entertaining.
Happy New Year!!!!!
​
Edit 1: Lots of comments about "taxation is theft" - some genuine, some not. If you're open minded and want to learn more, check out these short videos: https://blog.georgeoughttohelp.com/george-ought-to-help/
Edit 2: My thoughts on Ethereum: https://www.reddit.com/Bitcoin/comments/ko1wk3/i_bought_the_ath_in_2011_a_decade_of_hodling/ghopkjj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3